A colleague recently described how she ghosted a book manuscript she was working on. They (she and her work) were doing great for weeks and then, well…she told the work it was worthless. She abruptly cut off all contact, closed her laptop and wouldn’t look at the file for a week. She was angry with the book-length work for not progressing in the way she’d envisioned.
Ultimately, she met her deadline, but her story got me thinking: maintaining productive momentum with our work shares a lot in common with what we know about sustaining healthy human relationships. Here are some tongue in cheek (and some serious) guidelines for how to relate to your work as if it were a living, growing and autonomous being you hope will thrive alongside you.
- When your work is not as good as you want it to be, you begin to talk to yourself and the work badly. Your hurl insults, disengage, and the animosity between you grows. Less. Gets. Done. If this happens, think of your work like a growing organism full of strengths and weaknesses and foster patience and admiration for where it is at any moment. It’s morphing and will become what you want over time and dedicated practice.
- Arguing with your work might serve a purpose as long as you and your work come to an agreement about where you are going together.
- Getting angry with your work is a natural byproduct of working hard at something.
- If arguments get out of hand, time apart might also serve a purpose; spend too much time together and your work might suffer in a way that interrupts your concentration.
- You and your work can have different opinions. Have a healthy debate about the argument, the evidence and which stance best serves your audience. Ff needed, get feedback.
- Don’t blame your work for getting stuck. Sit down next to it or maybe leave it alone for awhile. It’ll be there when you get back.
- Don’t hate your work for not being its best. Keep working at it and nudge it forward.
- Your relationship with your work is imperfect. Some days you’ll love each other and other days you’ll hate each other. Control the temperature of your bubbling, work cauldron and stir with care knowing there are hours when you can simply let it cook.
- Maintaining a patient, non-antagonistic relationship takes practice. At the end of each work period say out loud something that is going well.
- Celebrate your wins and losses. You and your work are shaping one another for better or worse, and it’s best to develop a strong partnership that can stand the test of time.
Additional resources especially helpful for creative types who wish to cultivate a healthy, sustainable, and inspired relationship with their work:
- Deep Work by Cal Newport
- The Creative Doer: A Brave Woman’s Guide from Dreaming to Doing by Anna Lovind
- The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield
